After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
