i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize