I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
