Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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