Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
