Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize