Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
