how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The ass gains better be worth it
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