We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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