North Korea, Best Korea!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
