I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
