How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
