Just fell off a train. Bad.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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