i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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