How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
