Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
