I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
