Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
