Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
