He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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