What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
