I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Randomize
