Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize