why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
