trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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