I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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