are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
