I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
