I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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