strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
