turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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