I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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