My liver just broke up with me...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
