her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
