Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
