Your favorite bartender is back from prision
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
