so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
