you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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