He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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