Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
