I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my sisters under your porch take her home
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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