and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
