if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Randomize
