if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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