I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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