i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
