then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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