I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
