I just pynch a tree in the face
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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