at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
