I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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