....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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