called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
