In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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