NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
