Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
