pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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