she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
