come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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