my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
third nipple confirmed
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize