Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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