No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Are we still banned from the library?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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