There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
A+ Viking dick
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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