Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
