I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
