I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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