You're completely useless in the revolution.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
