So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I intend to get homeless drunk
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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