I can text with my tongue
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
