Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
