yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
