The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
