either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
