the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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