i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
