Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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