hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
