apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
