Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
