would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
