i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
