Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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