I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
