i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
