Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
