clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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