im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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