so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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