I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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