do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
