you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
