Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
