sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize