He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
