so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize