weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
