God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
